Happy Passover, Mr President,
In his Good Friday address, President Trump wished the nation “Happy Passover,” and paid tribute to the victorious endurance of Jews through their millenary suffering at the hands of their oppressors (aka the Goyim).
Passover celebrates their liberation from bondage, a perfect story of liberation because it involves 12 horrible, horrible plagues that decimated the Goyim and culminated with the deeply satisfying killing of their newborn babies.
This was made possible by Yahweh’s ex-machina intervention, but Trump does not blaspheme by uttering His name, which is less surprising than his regretable omission of the important contribution of Charlton Heston to the education of teachable Goyim with respect to real history.
Respectful of America’s minorities, Trump later mentions “another faith” and wishes them “Happy Easter,” noting that it is also, in its own way, a celebration of hope, but for a more distant deliverance: “eternal life.” Nothing remotely resembling liberation from bondage is in the cards for them this side of death.
The plagues he promised to unleash upon the Swamp have been cancelled. Americans of “another faith” are underserving of liberation, given their obdurate wickedness, the most horrible, horrible manifestation of which is anti-semtitism. This is why he also reneged on his previous promise to do away with the State Department”s Office to Monitor and Combat Anti-Semitism.
Happy Passover, Mr President!